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7:02 AM
______________________
hmm.. i guess im back to my old self. oh well. shoud have gotten back a few months ago. it just that i wish i wouldnt. coz the feeling of not being alone is kinda addictive. yeah. haha. now i feel really REALLY lonely. but im good. besides i have been this way since i dont know when, and i survived. like i said its just sad coz ive experienced not being alone and i just miss it.
i really thought i found the one. but i was wrong. and oh stupid me i almost did it again. its really impossible to find sum1 wholl really always be there. or my standards are just high? no.. i dont think so. maybe i havnt found that sum1 yet. or maybe i hav but i havnt realized it. or i will not be able to find coz he doesnt exist.
but i swear if i find him, oh i really wouldnt let him go. hey, wait, i wasnt the one who has the hobby of just letting go. in fact i was the one who held on. and biliv me it wasnt a good move. u gotta know when to hold on, hold back, give space or let go. and that was my flaw. i nver knew when to do things wth specific people in specific moments. i just think of myself. and most of the time im dominated by fear. fear of rejection and loneliness. but hey look at me now. all alone. ironic huh.
this new year i wish everything would change. i wish to be happy. (am i being selfish or what) as in i want to feel real happiness. coz these past few months ive been reallyreally down. then something came and i thought, oh maybe this (or he) can help me remember how to smile. but then it turned out that i just hurt myself more. the broken pieces of my so called heart were turned into fine dust. however do i manage that? would it be whole again? nah. i dont think so.
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10:53 AM
______________________
All of my hate cannot be bound
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground I will see you screaming
Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies
Pushing all the mercy down, down, down
I wanna see you try to take a swing at me
Come on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground
Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny? What the fuck you think it's doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying when you're bloody down in front of me
All of my hate cannot be bound
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming
Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies
I'm above you, smiling at you, drown, drown, drown
I wanna kill and rape you the way you raped me
And I'll pull the trigger And you're down, down, down
Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny? What the fuck you think it's doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying when you're bloody down in front of me
All of my hate cannot be bound
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground I will see you screaming
All my friends are gone,
they died (gonna take you down)
They all screamed, and cried (gonna take you down)
Never gonna forget, never forget, how we hate the world [x4]
(Gonna take you down)
All of my hate cannot be bound
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
and Beat me to the ground I will see you screaming
All of my hate cannot be bound
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground I will see you screaming
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10:55 AM
______________________
Walkin' lost
Holdin' a cigarette
Nowhere to go
Thinkin' of you 'cause there's nothin' else to do
My mind is a waste and gets harder to start anew
REFRAIN
Shattering moments make it hard to face the truth
Still you're there waitin' for something
Wantin' to feel still the same thought
Playin' inside your head making you breakdown and cry
CHORUS
Wake up, reality bites
Can't move, just slide down and crash
'Cause I am breakin' down
INTERLUDE
Struggling with the thought
Still lyin' down with the same burden, ooh
I want this to change
I want this to go away
I'm still all by myself now with only a memory
[Repeat REFRAIN]
[Repeat CHORUS twice]
BRIDGE
Lyin' in a different bed
Feeling the past just haunting me
Hoh, flashes inside my mind
Over and over again, I feel insane
[Repeat CHORUS except last line]
[Repeat CHORUS except last word]
[Repeat CHORUS twice]
Breakin' down
Breakin' down
[cgirado wala namang nagbabasa nito... haaayyy... bat gnun? i cant muv on.. s tuwing nakkramdam ako ng saya... naalala ko sya... tapos lulungkot ulit!! anu un?. wah... ]
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4:39 AM
______________________
i am so not alright...aarrgghhh..bat gnun?!bat gnun?!bat gnun?!waahhh... nkklungkot... nkkdepress.. its so unfair... bakit sobrang ONE-SIDED??!!well wala naman akong karapatang magexpect... but its so darn hard!!! naawa nako sa heart muscles ko kasi sobrang pagod na.. and i cant do anything about it.. aaarrgghhh...how can something so wonderful can turn into something so awful??!! torture talaga.. arrgghhh TORTURE!!!nownow... im trying to help myself here... pero kahit anung gawin ko its no use! tell me!! anung ginawa mo?!! how can you moveon like that??!!! leaving me here helpless and alone!!!! uhh.. jowk lang ung last sentence. pero aarrgghh... hindi ko maintindihan. pil ko ang tagaltagal na pero its not getting any better. its getting worse!!! worse than i thought!!!waahhh... madaya.. ironic.. dati kahit sobrang pangit ng araw masaya parin.. pero bt ngaun i have reasons to be happy pero hindi ko magawang maging masya!!! madaya talga.... may tlepono n kmi!! =( may net n kmi!! =( bday ko!! =( hmm.. it was the most painful birthday greeting na natanggap ko.. pathetic di ba? i'\m supposed to be happy!!!! bt gnun??alam niu un? frozen sleep? hypothermia? ahayy...im so messed up.. and im fallin aparta little help please...
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9:11 AM
______________________
everything is wrong...
kahit tong template nato..
tsk..
maasyos nga..
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12:13 AM
calai; 17; updil;
movies; eggpie;
unimportant;
|click
choose
from
below (:
| (=